A Special Flavor - Taking My Own Advice

A year or so ago I shared on Facebook a sweet conversation with Rae that I cherished. I want to share it here so that it's preserved and serves as a reminder to myself and hopefully it can help someone else. It went something like this..

Rae: 'Mom, why doesn't everyone like me? There is a girl as school that is so popular. Everyone likes her. Not everyone likes me.'

Me: 'What does everyone like about her?'

Rae: 'She can run fast, do the splits and she has shiny hair.'

Me: 'Well... (after holding my giggles about the above comment) Rae, it's like ice cream. Some people are vanilla. Everyone likes them. They blend with every flavor they are paired with. They are nice and no one hates vanilla ice cream. But some of us are rocky road.'

Rae: 'I LOVE rocky road!'

Me: 'Me too! But not everyone likes rocky road. But the people that like it.. well they LOVE it! It's probably their favorite flavor of ice cream.'

Rae: 'Hmm...'

Me: 'You and I darling, are rocky road. Not everyone will just like you.. but those that do will be madly in LOVE with you.

Rae: 'I am pretty sure your mint chocolate chip'

Me: 'I think your right.. and I am happy to not just be vanilla.'

Rae: 'Me too!'

I felt at the time like I had earned some momma brownie points with my quick on my feet answer. Well since that proud momma moment I have realized that maybe I am the in need of the advice more then Rae has ever been.

We all get criticized, we all have people that do not prefer our type of personality, our outlook on the world or maybe they just don't like our face. I have been struggling with feeling down on myself because not everyone likes me, not everyone wants to be around all this mintiness. I have a strong personality. I may be too honest. But I also know that I would do anything to help someone and that my heart is usually in the right place. I also know I can't pretend to be a vanilla. I can't change my personality. Frankly, I am just too opinionated and a little too excitable to be a vanilla.

Lately I find myself repeating in my head 'Just be your crazy chocolate chip self, the right people will LOVE you.' and now I will add 'Don't stay where you are tolerated. Go where you are celebrated!' my list of mantras.  

Here's to the rocky roads, mint chocolate chips and the pistachios of the world. May you find the people that LOVE you for all those things that make you unique and think your the best flavor on earth!

So.. what flavor are you?

LOVE,

 Nikki

One Marshmallow Or Two?

As a rule of thumb I try to use creativity in every aspect of my life. One area that I have noticed that it helps the most is parenting.  I can’t say I deserve the title of ‘World’s best Mom’, but I try to be the best parent for Rae and I put all I have into it.  I truly believe if I try and approach it like I would other goals then I am off to a good start. When I have a goal I use creative problem solving when faced with an obstacle. I am trying to do the same with my parenting, so far it gets me way further then hollering and throwing tantrums.. which on occasion I do anyways, because at time I am a one marshmallow person (explained below).

It is important to me that I teach Rae to set goals, strive for dreams and work hard. These things are qualities I value extremely high.  This was something that has been a great help in teaching those lessons in our home.  Besides.. I need reminders too, and this helps me as well.

A year or so ago I read this study that was done in the 70’s at Stanford.  They took children one by one into a room and gave them a marshmallow.  These children were told that if they did not eat it that in fifteen minutes someone would come back in they give them another one and they could then eat two marshmallows.  Some children ate them right away not caring about the second marshmallow and others did all they could to resist and hold out so they could have two.

They followed the children through their lives and tracked the difference in how the children that wonted immediate gratification (one marshmallow) versus the delayed gratification children (2 marshmallows) differed.  The results were significant. Those that had been a two marshmallow child had higher test scores and were overall considered more successful.

When I told Rae this story it didn’t sink in at first, but now I use it as an easy reminder and metal picture of making the choices that really benefit us in the long run.  When faced with a choice we often say ‘What is the two marshmallow choice?’ and when she is really being a pain, all I have to do is say ‘That’s a one marshmallow choice’.  I have to chuckle because if I say that to her, it will affect her more than anything else I can say, yell or threaten.  She typically corrects her behavior on the spot!

I have used this to teach setting goals, eating healthy, behaving at school and even cleaning up the rooms.  I am not saying it produces a perfect child, but it gives her something to think about and visualize and faced with a choice between what she wants right now and what she really wants.

To give her a quick no talking pep-talk all I have to do is hand her two marshmallows and a wink. She knows that this means she is being a pretty awesome person and making some great choices.

I would love to hear any creative parenting you have used. Do you have secret codes, stories and words you use to correct your child’s behavior?